I have practised Zhineng Qigong for more than four years by now and I have been on sick leave due to stress. I am very grateful for the results of Qigong so far and I am looking forward to further improvement. There have been times in my life when I have felt great worry and fear, I have been depressed and I have had great anxiety and also physical symptoms. Professionally I have had some success, but I have often struggled with my lack of self-esteem and then there is always the demand that one should compete to show one’s ability.
Since my childhood I have felt this inner pressure, setting great standards for myself. In my twenties I went through a period of an almost addictive workout mania (workout and gym training). This, coupled with minor eating disorders was not a very healthy state, but it also served as a means of gaining control of myself. I have been prone to infections ever since I was a teenager. Recurring, ever more frequent colds and other infections were just about the only thing that could make me calm down. I do not know how many penicillin cures I have gone through! One year I also tried yoga, but I was not happy with it.
A few years ago I went through a very hard time, both in my private and professional life. To this I reacted by going into a state of severe stress and crisis. My usual attitude toward life was reinforced and my worry and anxiety as well as insomnia got worse, while I also showed clear physical symptoms. Even so, I continued to “be good” (to work) for another two years. I dragged myself to work in spite of the fact that my energy was gone. Often my weekends were spent having a cold or merely being exhausted, apart from other physical and mental issues.
I started to join Qigong Drop-ins and in that short period of training time I had good results and I felt at home right away. During my first Weekend Course I found, among other things, great inner peace and quiet, something which I was not exactly used to…Having joined a few Weekend Courses of Qigong, it finally enabled me to dare to take myself seriously in the “right” way, and realize that I had been going in the right direction. Among other things, I started to see a therapist. In the Summer of 2001 I was on sick leave and then I joined my first Summer Course (1:st Level). It was extremely hard, but incredibly good.
Having joined four Summer Courses, I heartily recommend it! My old way of dealing with my life and the world around me no longer worked that well. It is hard to realize your own sensitivity, but it is necessary to start to know your limitations. I am hoping to get even more power and courage to explore my boundaries in a positive sense as well. I have started to learn how to reduce my fear and anxiety so that I can accept the joy and love in the present moment, to be more fully present. I am starting to see a difference in how I treat myself and others. I am starting to learn how to wind down, to get deeper in touch with my body and my soul and be more firmly rooted in myself. Through Qigong you meet yourself and if it is a struggle, it is one fought with yourself, not against yourself.
Petra Holmberg