I used to be like a trembling aspen leaf inside and the slightest breeze might trigger the anxiety, and my life was black and gloomy. I had struggled on for many years, not knowing what was wrong with me, so that when I was diagnosed with depression it came as a relief to me, but also filled with shame. In Finland depression is not yet quite accepted as an illness, and I felt ashamed for being a “weak” person. I had joined my first Qigong courses many years ago and I resumed Qigong, encouraged by my sister. I went on sick leave for depression and I joined as many Weekend Courses as I could, crying through all of them. My tears and anxiety would never stop, but at last they ebbed away and I could feel that I started to get myself a shelter against the wind around me.
I have suffered from migraine throughout my whole life and during the worst period it got so bad that there were more days with migraine than there were ordinary days. Now when I have practised Qigong for nearly three years, the migraine is very much better. I have migraine but the attacks do not last as long and they are less frequent. I can lead a normal life again. The same goes for my depression. Thanks to Qigong and cognitive therapy I am now stronger and happier and life is easier to live. Of course I still have a long way to go but I feel that Qigong is a tool for me to use. I am able to control my own life and how I feel. That gives me a great feeling of safety!
There have also been many bonus improvements. I am a piano player and I study music, and in my teens I suffered from severe inflammation of the joints and muscles in my hands for many years. I have felt that sometimes after that. I had problems with nodes in my finger joints and they have returned now and then. It was painful and difficult to play but after my first Summer Course I have not had any more problems! I also regained something which I did not realize I had lost, and that it the sense of vibration in my fingers. I find it easier to concentrate when I play the instrument and when I perform, and I have regained the joy of music! And I have taken up composing again!
Another clear example of the help which I get from Qigong is something that happened in the Spring of 2005. You might say that it was emergency aid! I was going to give my exam concert at the Sibelius Academy in Helsinki, and a mere five weeks before the concert my shoulder joint got dislocated. The doctors could not do more than pull my shoulder back into place and declare that I had to go on sick leave. I was lucky because there was a Weekend Course in Åbo the day after it happened and, from being unable to move my purple arm and shoulder, after two days I could move myself up to shoulder’s height. I joined the Bollnäs Winter Course and two weeks after the dislocation of the arm it had fully recovered its flexibility, and I managed to go through with my exam concert!
Camilla Heidenberg