Give me a hardship,
and I will conquer it.
And the next one,
and the next one,¨
and the next one…¨
Every twinge of pain
that fate has in store for me,
I will overcome and outwit.
Even if it almost kills me,
I will rise again.
And broad-legged,
with my hands steady on my hips,
I cry out to the stars:
“Neurons nebulae”
Come again, try again,
So far it is me who has won every battle!
I wrote this poem a couple of years after I had been diagnosed with facial neuralgia as a consequence of a 21-year old treatment injury. I suffered from terrible pain attacks that steadily increased in intensity and scope. After the last operation the doctors told me that I was never going to be better than this and that I should be grateful if my condition would not deteriorate. The situation forced me to find a strategy to survive both physically and mentally. I often read the poem aloud and reasoned that since I have come this far I will deal with the rest as well.
In an early stage I decided that I would never give up, even though one should allow one self to be a bit sad every now and then. I was determined to set a very challenging goal for myself: I WILL HAVE A BETTER LIFE THAN BEFORE I GOT INJURED! “A better life than before is impossible! You will never achieve this goal”, said those who previously had wondered how I was able to cope with the situation. “Why do you have such unrealistic goals? Can’t you just try to make the best out of the situation and focus on preventing the situation from deteriorating?” some asked. I DON’T WANT the situation to get any worse. I want MORE than just improvement. I want to be HEALTHY!
By then I relied on the thought that new treatments might emerge in the future and that recovery was possible. I thought: “I will be ready when a new treatment is presented.” I have tried so much both when it comes to traditional western medicine and alternative treatments. All this has not been in vain. The treatments gave a certain relief but my situation as such did not improve. But much of what I have done in the past has brought me closer to Zhineng Qigong.
It is possible, I knew it! During the summer course of 2005, the problems at the right half of my head disappeared and have not re-emerged ever since. By then I could even stop taking my medication. During the summer course of 2006 I also noticed an improvement on the left side of my head where my trigeminal nerve is damaged after a dental operation. I was able to switch off the electric device (see my previous history) that has been operated into my head and keep it switched off until the middle of September! I was pain free several months in a row! After that it started to hurt again, forcing me to switch it on the equipment. But the most severe pain attacks seem to have stopped! Before the summer course it would not have been possible to turn off the electric device since it would have led to an immediate pain reaction. For me this means an incredible improvement! I don’t want to be dependent on the equipment as the doctors do not have any other solutions in store if the system would stop working.
I train Qigong every day and feel that my situation is improving step by step. I still suffer from occasional pain attacks, but not to the extent as before, both when it comes to scope and intensity. When it is cold outside my problems increase (I cannot witstand temperatures below 18 degrees Celsius), but I still notice improvements.
Don’t give up, keep on training! The more we train the sooner we recover. Bear in mind that as I have gotten so much better after having been severely injured for 21 years, you will also be able to improve your condition! There we are: with better lives, better than before!
That is what I wish all of you!
Berith Lidberg
Kvänum
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